On Being Known

I've lived on this earth 31 years, and in the last few years I've prided myself on being real, transparent, and open. 

But today I find myself afraid. 

Friends, it is difficult to be known.

The closer I get, the tighter I cling to what little covering I have left. Closer inspection is more critical, right?

What if they don't like what they see? No one before has. No one before could ever find a reason to stay. The urge to run away, the urge to hide, the urge to be alone forever has never been stronger. I am so afraid.

But the Lord calls us to deeper intimacy: with himself, with others in the community of Christ, and with a partner on this earth if He brings it to pass. 

Lately it has seemed a little easier to be known by the Lord. I know that He sees it all and knows it all anyway. I guess I've finally figured out that I can be known by Him and still be loved....but humans...they hurt. 

There is no question that I prefer safety. I will never skydive unless my plane is crashing. I will never bungee jump. I have no desire to ride a motorcyle. I will never participate on Fear Factor. Even my 401k investment is conservative. I hate risk. I love My flesh loves predictability, safety, security, and comfort. Similarly, the Israelites looked back at their captivity in Egypt fondly...

See Exodus 14:11  They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?" 

also Exodus 16:3  The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the Lord's hand in Egypt? There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death."

and finally Exodus 17:3  But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?"

Over and over and over again the Israelites spoke out of the fear of the moment. Over and over their flesh cried out for comfort, predictability, and safety...things our captor the enemy will afford us to keep us quiet, unmoved, and unchanged... Is our comfort killing us? Is it keeping us enslaved, unmoved, and fearful of stepping out in faith? Just like the Israelites we have promises made to us. They had a glorious destination, but fear kept them looking in the rearview mirror!

No risk, no reward? Counting the cost... Is it really worth it?

If our purpose in this vapor of a life is to bring God glory...what glory does He really get if we never step out in faith? 

So today, I will take a risk. I'll lay my safety, security, and comfort on the altar. I ask the Lord to consume my flesh: the part of my humanity that holds me back from full submission to His will for me. I'll pray that His will be done, especially when it overwhelms my flesh that will always battle for self preservation. The flesh that sweated blood in the Garden of Gethsemane, the flesh that was overcome once and for all on the cross. Praise be to God.

Leigh